I Don't Know
by Violet A Baker
Summary: alice feels helpless while Bella is pregnant


Alice closed her eyes against the unusually bright sun that streamed in through the window to her left. It didn't hurt her eyes, persay,but it didn't feel good with the unnatural headache she had. Unconciously her hand lifted to touch the flame colored ruby that hung from her neck. It was simple, round and contained in shiny silver, and Alice loved it for more than the beauty factor. Her mind flashed back to the day Edward, Jasper, and Emmette had come home to their girls with lots of pretty presents. The last, and best, were the matching necklaces for the sisters. An ocean blue saphire for Bella, Edward did love blue on her. A pink diamond, flawless of course, for Rosalie. And the ruby for Alice. Jasper hadn't said anything to her as he put it around her neck. It was one of the best days Alice could remember, having both of her sisters out with her all day for a good old fashioned 'girls day' getting ready for Bella's upcoming wedding. She could even ignore the pouting from Bella and the distaste from Rose. All in all, everyone had played nice and Alice had another memory to add to her infinate mind. But Bella was back from the honeymoon, surprise instore for the Cullens once more, and Alice was alone in the attic as if _she_ had been the third wheel of the sisters.

"Alice?" a wave of love and concern washed over her, yet Alice didn't smile. Infact, she grimaced at her other half. A good natured chuckle came from deep in Jasper's broad chest as he crossed the room in two stepsand settled on the floor next to Alice. With his help, she crawled into his lap, her tiny fraim being coccooned in Jasper's arms.

"Are you still pouting?" Jasper asked in jest, his deep voice slow with the southern drawl that the centuries had yet to pull away from him. Alice shook her head so hard her black spikey hair whipped her in the face. "Alice." Jasper laughed again, reminding her that she really couldn't lie like that to him.

"My head hurts anytime I am around her, but my heart hurts to be away from her." Alice moaned, burring her face in the crook of her love's neck. "And it hurts even worse to see her with Rose. I know I shouldn't be jelouse, but I can't help it." Alice pulled back from Jasper, looking into his eyes and letting him know just how much it bothered her to not be with Bella. "It should be me in there, helping her through all of this. Isn't that what best friends, what sisters, are for? But I can't. Even being in the house hurts."

"Have you tried not looking for Bella's future?" Jasper asked softly, knowing Alice to be overly touchy due to her incompacitated state. One look from his wife told him that she had, in fact, tried to block the visions, but was unsecsussful.

Ever so gently Jasper stood, still holding Alice in his arms. Alice protested, but still allowed Jasper to carry her out of the house and deep into the forest. Here, he sat her down. They were far from any path, in the heart of the forest where the only humans who went there wern;t really humans at all. Alice looked at Jasper, his eyes darkening just two days after hunting, and wondered why he had taken her from the house.

"How do you feel now?" He asked. Alice smiled to Jasper, resting her tiny hand against his cheek. He took her from the cause of her physical pain, hating to see her hurting either way.

"Let's just go hunt, my love." Alice said, unable to tell Jasper that she didn't want to be away from Bella even if it hurt to be near her. Bella's fate was still so up in the air Alice couldn't see how things would turn out and it was because of that she wanted to be near her new found sister. Alice couldn't tell how much time Bella had left. But it Bella's time was ending, Alice wanted to be there with her.

**

Hours after they had return home, Alice stole down into the makeshift hospital room. Jacob was asleep on the floor, Rose was in the corner, her sharp eyes becoming aware as Alice walked in. Alice held her hands up in surrender. Edward, whose nervous eyes hadn't left Bella's body in almost three full days, already knew what Alice wanted, and why she wanted it. The despair in her brother's eyes was almost more than Alice could deal with. She had stayed away from Bella as much for Edward as she had for herself. Sometimes being overly gifted was a curse of the worst kind.

"I just want to see her, Rosalie. She is my best friend." Alice said quietly, not to let Bella hear. The words had a double meaning, Alice's distaste for Rosalie's callous leaking out even though Alice had tried to keep things on friendly terms. "You have to at least allow me that." Rose nodded curtly before Alice scurried to Bella's side.

Alice was happy to see Bella awake as she knelt next to Bella, taking up Bella's hand and trying to block the mind-blowing pain she received from the unborn thing in Bella's belly.

"Hey Alice." Bella's voice grated on Alice's ears, and would have brought tears to Alice's golden eyes if that were possible.

"Hey Bella. How are you two feeling?" Alice had seen bits of this conversation, most of it too staticy for her to truly make out. She knew she couldn't upset Bella in any way. It would only cause her friend pain, something Alice wouldn't do.

"He's moving a lot. I think he'll come out running." Bella's cracked lips pulled back into a mangled version of her old smile. "That's his daddy in him." Alice tried to ignore the moan of pain that came from Edward, too low for Bella to hear.

"I'm sorry I havn't been around too much." Alice said ackwardly, knowing she would have to lie to Bella to make her friend happy. Though Alice was a practiced liar, she never did like lying to someone who she loved. "My visions have been… off. I can't control the most random premonitions." Alice laughed, making it sound like it was no big deal. Everyone else knew better.

"It's ok, Alice. I have the whole house here to take care of me. You take care of yourself." Bella smiled again, her spare hand rubbing the swollen mass that was her belly. They talked for a while, Alice trying very hard to just be there for Bella and not let Bella see they pain radiating on her face.

"You're not wearing your necklace." Alice said softly, looking at Bella's throat as she tried to calculate exactly how much her heart was laboring. "I know right now is not the time to attack your lack of fashion, but you could atleast keep your accessories." Alice foreced out a laugh, her light voice sounding too high to be a real laugh. Bella didn't seem to notice, and touched her neck.

"I didn't even realize it was gone." Her eyes flicked over to Rosalie, the ashamed look on her face making Rose rise and rush out the room, back before Bella even really could contimplate where Rose had gone to.

Alice helped Bella put it on, smiling at the little things that she could do to make things feel easier and more normal. The conversation fell back to mindless chatter, talking about what was going on with Jasper and the wolves. After an hour Alice could see how tired Bella was becoming, and stood up, still holding Bella's hand.

"I love you, Bella." Alice said softly, a smile lighting her face for Bella only. "I want to help make you better. And you better let us help you." Alice mumbled the end, knowing she couldn't fight Bella's stubbornness.

"I love you too, Alice. Everything will be ok." Bella's boundless opptomism almost gave Alice hope. But then another vision tried to shove itself behind her eyelids, even though it wouldn't show her anything. But as the static passed Alice held onto Bella's hand, trying to keep from cringing at each wave of blankness that made her head throb in ways it shouldn't.

Alice looked at Edward, who still hadn't left Bella's side, ignoring Rosalie as she stood to move closer to Bella as well.

"I have to go." Alice muttered, too low for Bella to hear, though Edward had already realized Alice was looking for the kindest way to escape. Alice didn't care if Rosalie knew she was leaving or not. Edward nodded, though, and took up Bella's hand that Alice had given up. Alice placed her hand on Edward's shoulder as he slumpped onto the floor where Alice had just been moments ago. He didn't say anything to Alice as she left, well aware of the pain she was feeling, and the overwhelming helplessness. Jasper waited for Alice at the front door with the keys to her car. Alice couldn't talk as she and Jasper got into the porche and Alice revved the engine. Jasper held onto Alice's hand tightly, knowing better than trying to dull some of the pain. Alice needed to feel it. The pain like she had never felt, being unable to help Bella.

"It will be ok, Alice."

"I hope so, Jaz. But I really don't know."


End file.
